Being realistic...

Hey everyone!

So...it's been a while since I've talked about the triathlon. Why? Well...lots of reasons...not the least of which being a fairly significant aversion to wearing that much spandex in public.

But...mostly...I'm figuring out what my post-injury body is capable of. Post-boot treadmill sessions went ok, not great. I'd do a mile or two...feel it for the next few days...give it a rest...and then attempt it again with much the same results. No real progress.

Then, last week...I woke up three times on Wednesday night with really painful muscle spasms in my right calf. (The bad side...you know...the one I've been rehabbing since January.) My usual Thursday morning personal training session became an diagnostic testing session. The unofficial diagnosis? A small muscle tear.

I cried. Not going to lie. Thankfully...it's not causing any sort of movement/function issues. (But for God's sake...don't touch it, or I will cut you). So...icing/stretching/foam rolling (carefully) continues to be the norm. But...running hasn't been. It's just not ready.

So...what does this mean? Well...the triathlon is on. I'll start it, and plan to finish. It will be slow, though....and the 5k run at the end is going to be much more of a brisk walk/slow jog.

This has caused some consternation amongst those who love me most...who've asked, "Why are you doing this?" It's a fair question...and...at the time...the best answer I could come up with was, "Because I said I would," which, admittedly, is not a great answer.

But after some time to think about it....I'm doing this because I want the experience. And because I CAN. I can swim 850 yards...a couple of times a week...I swim twice that. (Not with a bajillion other people kicking me in the head...but...minor detail.) I can bike 15 miles...last week I did 37. And I CAN get through a 5k, even if I walk the whole damn thing. (Which would annoy me...but whatever.)

My friends who are reading this are most certainly banging their heads on their desks...because they've been telling me since the boot went on that it doesn't matter how fast I go.

And...intellectually...I know this is true. I've never had ambitions to be the fastest. Mostly...the goal has been not to drown or crash my (beautiful) bike...and get myself over the finish line.

But the fact remains...I like to win. And winning this, for me, would mean doing the triathlon at my well-trained fittest.

But I'm not at my well-trained fittest...not even close. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed in how my training has gone. The injury was  out of my control, true. But...the stuff that was in my control (nutrition, primarily) wasn't great either. I didn't react well to being in the boot...despite WANTING to.

So...there's not much to be done, really. Except enjoy triathlon weekend...and do the best I can do. And learn for the next time. (Not that there will necessarily be another triathlon...let's not jump the gun. But...as an active person, there will almost certainly be another injury.)

So...what comes after the triathlon is done?

1. A concerted effort to fully recover from my injury. This will entail:

• A non-disordered nutrition cleanup. Losing the weight that I've gained in the last year will have a significant impact on my ability to avoid injury.
• Weight training with my awesome trainer...who you haven't met yet, come to think of it.
• Swimming. Turns out I like it. Who knew?
• Biking. Training for a metric century (62 miles) this fall. (Probably this one.)
• Yoga. Because it's good for me...and my balance has been terrible since the boot.
• No running. Some walking and elliptical-ing. But it will be 972 degrees in DC soon...which means mostly elliptical-ing at my lovely air-conditioned gym.

2. A fun summer...which will include a trip to the homeland to visit my family (and see my parents' new house), and a trip to Milwaukee/Minneapolis for two weddings and to see some of my favorites.

That's the update, folks!
E

Things I've Learned Since I Started Swimming...

Just a few thoughts on swimming...

1. If you rub spit on the inside of your goggles before you put them on, they won't fog up. I have no idea why this works...and it grosses me out, but it's seriously like magic.
2. I'm a "right side breather." This works sort of like being right-handed. I didn't realize this until I tried breathing to my left side, started swimming crooked, and snorted down a bunch of water. I'm working on this.
3. If you have long hair...a swim cap is your best friend.
4. Even with said swim cap, nothing will ruin your dye job faster than a chlorinated pool.
5. It doesn't matter what you look like in a swimming suit. Really. And this isn't even entirely because everyone is distracted by the woman in the lane next to you who doesn't shave her armpits.
6. You'll often have to share a lane with someone who makes you feel like they're chasing you. This person is, more often than not, an 80-year-old grandparent of 10...who can do flip turns. They don't care how they look in a swimming suit...and neither should you.
7. There are no clothes in the world that are easy to put on after getting out of the swimming pool. This includes (and is perhaps especially true of) underwear.
8. Swimsuit spinners are one of the top 10 inventions ever.
9. Chlorine will eat your sports bra if you wear it under your swimming suit while testing out triathlon outfits.
10. I swim faster when I freestyle without kicking...and feel less like I'm going to die. I may never be fast, but I can swim for a LONG time.

Deep thoughts, huh? Happy weekend, all!
E

37 Miles!

Hi all!

For those of you who are my Facebook friends, this post might seem overdue. But...let's pretend I'm right on time.

Last Saturday, I had a great time riding in the 2013 Six Pillars Blackwater Tour in Cambridge, MD. SO. FUN. My friend Kay is training for the AIDS Lifecycle: Ride to End AIDS in June. It’s a 7-day, 545 mile bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles that raises money and awareness for the HIV and AIDS services of the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center and the San Francisco AIDS Foundation.

Seriously. 545 miles. Yowza. You can donate on Kay's fundraising page here.

So...anyway...Kay was riding the century (100 mile) course, and asked if I wanted to come along. There was no way I was going to attempt the century (but...someday...). I wasn't even sure if I could tackle the 37-mile course....it was the longest ride I'd done by FAR. I sought out opinions...which ranged from "DO IT," to "Erin...you're finally out of the boot and physical therapy. Don't hurt yourself. I know you need someone to tell you that you shouldn't do it. So I'll be that person." (I have really great friends on both sides of this debate!)

I'd hoped to be able to do the shorter 11-mile route twice to get in a solid ride...but found out when I got there that wasn't going to work. And I hadn't driven two hours on a Friday night to ride 11 miles. Soooo....37 miles it was! We were joined by another friend, Gretchen (who happened to do the AIDS Lifecycle ride last year...these ladies are such bad asses).

I look a little bit like I'm in pain here...we hadn't even started!

Gretchen and I rode with Kay for 14 miles to the first rest stop, and then headed off on our own (shorter) adventure. We didn't go fast, and took our time at the rest stops...but...we finished just fine. I had no real ill effects...except a super awkward sunburn on my hands and on my ankles. (My cycling tights are capri, not full, length.)

It was a gorgeous course on a windy, but lovely day...

The rest stops were well-staffed and well-stocked with treats. I'm not saying that I made a nutella sandwich out of two chocolate chip cookies...but I'm also not saying I didn't. But...it's ok...because of this:

The route map and cue sheet are available online...and I completely recommend that those on/near the MD eastern shore take this trip!

More soon, all!
Erin

On Gratefulness...

Hi all-

I hope your weekend was fantastic. It was a pretty good one here...lots of time in the sunshine, multiple gatherings with friends, and my first (!) bike ride outside of the city where I could just....go. It. Was. Awesome.

So...last weekend (with the help of YouTube videos), I managed to put together my bike trainer. THIS weekend, on my march to further bike nerd-dom, I managed to attach the bike rack to my car - ahem...allbymyself...ahem - and then head to southern Maryland for a successful ride. My bike did not fall off my car, and I did not fall off my bike. So...basically...it was a win!

My (new) bike rack on my (not so new) car!

Ok...so...seriously. The ride was awesome. I went about 13 miles on the Indian Head Rail Trail. It was perfect riding weather, with the exception of a cross wind that was slightly annoying. The trail is lovely! Brand new, no potholes, uncrowded, and very little cross-traffic. I overdid the first 5 miles or so, honestly. It was so much fun to be able to go fast and not worry about traffic or (too many) other riders! I eased up for a while until my breath evened out, and then took off again. By the time I got back to the car...I was ready to be done. Definitely have some work to do in the next few weeks! I think I'll take a spinning hiatus until after the triathlon and focus on spending time on my own bike.

In addition to the good stuff...some not-so-good stuff this weekend, too. I went to a funeral tonight for a former coworker of mine. She retired in January, found out she was sick about six weeks ago...and slipped away. She was a kind and funny lady...someone I'd known (quite literally) since the third day I lived in the District. She was friendly face that I no longer get to see...and, for that, I grieve.

But, as is probably common, with that sadness....comes a chance to reflect. I looked around the church tonight, and was struck by seeing so many friends there. Many of them I don't see often...and yet...those familiar faces are precious in a way I find difficult to fully explain. I'm left with gratefulness. Grateful for the experiences I've had and those I've been lucky enough to encounter along the way...a family that would do anything for me...a family of friends in this city that show up every time I need them (or...you know...just to have a beer)...Mentors who have become lifelong friends, and who have been unfailingly giving of their time and expertise to make me better at whatever it is that I set out to do.

This. This is the good stuff. I (and probably those of you reading this) can get so caught up in the day-to-day...the latest emergency at work, the house that isn't clean, being a certain dress size, the cookies I ate at lunch...and the list goes on.

My (and your) reminder for today...and at the start of another week? Those things are not important. Or...ok....they can be important...but they shouldn't be in the top five.

So what IS important? Family. Friends. Experiences that light you up. A Sunday bike ride. Joking with friends around a picnic table. Meeting up with a friend for a drink for no reason other than it's been too long since you've seen his or her face. I'm going to try really hard to do more of those things...and spend less time worrying about the stuff that, in the end, just doesn't matter.

It's been pretty deep around here lately...sorry about that. :-) Guess I've been more reflective than usual....

I wish you a lovely Monday. More soon...
E

Deep Thoughts About Lentils...And Other Things.

Hi all! Lots to talk about today...

So...yesterday for lunch, I ate lentil soup. Tonight for dinner, I ate a turkey sub at Subway...with cheese. At the grocery store...I bought popcorn. And oatmeal. And yogurt.

Now...if you're new to this blog, you're probably thinking "Wow. This lady is super boring...And a little odd. Why did she just recite her grocery list?" Bear with me. This blog usually is slightly entertaining. And lately there have been lots of pictures of my feet. (For you creepers who enjoy that sort of thing....)

For those of you who've been reading for a while...or who actually talk to me in real life....the choices above are odd. Why? Because since January, I've been attempting to follow a variation of the paleo/primal/Whole30/whole foods/no gluten/no grains/no refined sugar/no legumes/no (little) dairy/no soy/blah, blah, blah diet. I actually haven't talked about it much here on the blog...in large part because I was having a difficult time being consistent. I'd have a great week...and then a terrible week. A successful few days, followed by...not so much.

So...obviously...that's done. An explanation, you ask? Don't mind if I do.

Let me be clear (and, with that, apparently channel President Obama...anyway): I believe that a diet comprised of organic meat, fruit, and vegetables...without grains, dairy, refined sugar, legumes, and soy is the way that people should eat.

So...why did I decide to give it a try? First, see above. I've drunk the koolaid. I'm a believer. Also, I have a metabolic disorder that often responds well to a paleo-ish style of eating. Finally, I FEEL better when I avoid gluten. I've not been diagnosed with any sort of allergy/intolerance, but there is a noticeable difference in how I feel when I don't eat much gluten and when I indulge in spaghetti, pizza, beer, or a brownie.

So...if I'm a believer...you may be wondering why I decided to stop. And why I just ate yogurt. (And liked it. A lot.) So...I'll go on. While I do believe that it's the way people should eat...it's really hard to eat that way. For anyone. Mostly because pizza, ice cream, beer, and peanut butter are delicious.

But also because...It's REALLY hard for a disordered eater to eat that way. Restricting, and then bingeing, are classic disordered eating behaviors. These behaviors manifest themselves in any number of ways...from the casual dieter who, after being "good" for weeks, dives headfirst into a pint of Ben & Jerry's...to the diagnosed anorexics, bulimics, and binge eaters. Those of you you know me (or who've read this blog) know that I've struggled with disordered eating since...well...basically forever.

I knew that it would be difficult for someone with my disordered eating history to do this successfully. I'm nothing if not self-aware...and lots of smart people warned me, too. And the result? We were right...for several reasons.

• The restricting/bingeing cycle is hard to overcome...and food guilt isn't fun. Anyone who's been on a diet knows what this looks like: You're "good" for a while...maybe just long enough to notice that your pants are feeling better. And then someone brings brownies into your office...and you go 'round the bend...and eat three of them before you even know what you're doing. In disordered eaters...the urge to eat the brownies is irresistible. And the guilt after you do is all-encompassing. And both of these things are completely exhausting.
• I work in an office where there are always brownies. Lots of them. Lunchtime has the potential to be a disaster. Every day. Read Reason #1 again. I don't think further explanation is necessary.
• I also have a job that doesn't allow me as much time to cook as I would like, and not NEARLY as much time to cook as I would need to be satisfied and successful eating paleo. 

The last reason is probably the most important. And the most serious. (So pay attention.) How I "do" (success or failure) for the day should not be dictated by whether I "give in" and eat pizza. Or a cookie. It just shouldn't. Intellectually...I know that. As a grown-ass woman...I know it's ridiculous to feel defeated by a brownie.

And yet...I found myself sliding back into those disordered eating thought processes. I was restricting food types and, as a result, logging calories seemed like overkill and even more of a chore than it had in the past Also, because I was restricting food type, when the opportunity for a "treat" came along...I took it. Too often. And then, all of a sudden...I wasn't logging calories...but was eating treats...which meant I wasn't getting any of the benefits of being on the paleo plan but dealing with plenty of the guilt.

Which. Stops. Here. Life's too short, people.

So...where do I go from here? Back to what works for me. Moderation. Variety. Measuring portion sizes and counting calories (but trying not to be crazy about it). Because I'm a believer, I will take many ideas from the paleo diet forward with me. My diet will still largely consist of lean meat, fruit, and veggies. I will continue to avoid artificial sweeteners...and especially soda. And I do believe that organic, local produce is the way to go. But there will be the occasional gluten-y treat...and yogurt, and string cheese, and oatmeal!

To those of you who don't understand this struggle...but are willing to entertain these thoughts and ideas anyway...thank you! To those of you who understand it all too well...know that I'm not a dietitian or a specialist. I don't have all (any) of the answers....and lots of days I have a hard time figuring out the questions. All I can do is share my experiences...my successes and not-so successes...because it's a process. :-)

Whew. If you made it to the end of this...you should probably get a t-shirt or something. I'll think on it. In the meantime...good stuff to come! I'm officially DONE with PT...I've got a sprint triathlon to continue to (carefully) train for...and, at some point, I'll talk about the Boston Marathon. Like most of you...I'm still wrapping my head around it.

Happy Wednesday, all!
Erin

"I Don't Recommend That You Run...Ever."

So...what I was hopeful would be my last appointment with the orthopedic surgeon was, in fact, not. I have to go back in about 8 weeks. That appointment will hopefully be my last.

Despite the title of this post...I didn't get bad news. In all actuality...I got good news. He told me that I could wind down the physical therapy...which is awesome. It's been really helpful...but basically a 3.5 month time/money suck. The doctor was impressed that I could do one-legged calf raises without pain. He also said that the tendon looked significantly less swollen all the way down my leg and into my foot. The weakness and infrequent painful twinges that I continue to notice are completely normal (which I knew already from my PT), and the idea is that they will slowly subside as I continue to recover.

But...and it's a BIG but...

When he asked me what sort of physical activity I was doing/planning to do, I again mentioned that I was training for a sprint triathlon.

He gave me the eye. And then said, "I don't really recommend that you run yet...or ever, really. This is a big deal. This isn't an ankle sprain or a tweaked knee. If that tendon gets inflamed again...you'll be in the boot again, and if it tears or ruptures...you'll be on my operating table. You were lucky that you didn't need surgery this time around."

Well, then.

It was my turn to give him the eye. "Really? I shouldn't ever run? I mean...I don't run far or fast. Even in my skinniest running hay days (when I was, quite literally, running away from studying for the bar exam), the furthest I could go without dying was about four miles at a 10:30 per mile pace. I don't plan on ever being a marathon runner..."

He went on to tell me that he wasn't going to flat out tell me that I couldn't run, but that I should continue to train with extreme caution...build very slowly...etc. He then went on to say that my leg would be far happier if I lost 20 pounds. To which I replied, "That's not particularly surprising. I (and my pants) would be a lot happier if I lost 20 pounds, too. I'm working on it."

If only he knew....

So, friends...that's the update. The triathlon is still a go. **This is where my parents and several others of you throw a fit. In 5...4...3... It's ok...calm down.** 

I won't be stupid. If I've learned anything from this process, it's that I'm not invincible. I'll continue to build up my ability to slowly jog 3 miles. If it hurts, I'll stop. If I have to walk the 5k at the end of the triathlon...then that's what I'll do. When the race is done, I'll reevaluate whether or not I'll keep jogging as a part of my workout routine. I can't image ever completely giving it up...lacing up my shoes and walking out the door for a jog or popping onto the treadmill is just too convenient. At the same time...living pain free is pretty important to me, and I've started to really enjoy the swimming along with the cycling...so...who knows.

For now...this is the plan:



Alright, all. This wasn't meant to be a depressing post. Spring (summer?) has sprung here in the District, and it's gorgeous outside. Lots to look forward to in the coming weeks/months!

Erin

PS- If any of you have good suggestions for supportive shoes that don't look like they were intended for someone a generation or two older than me...could you link to them in the comments? Flip flops are not going to work this summer. Both casual and lady lawyer-appropriate suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!

Lesson Learned...

Hey everyone! How was the weekend? A really nice one here...but it didn't start off particularly well.

I needed to get in another swim this week, so I had a hot date with the pool on Friday night.

Public Service Announcement: If you don't want to share lap lanes...have a hot date with the pool on Friday night. Of course...this means that you may lack actual hot dates...but I digress.

It. Was. Awesome. It was quiet, not crowded, and exactly what I needed after a trying week. Well...it was awesome...until it wasn't.

I'd gotten about 1100 of my planned 1500 yards in when my right calf totally seized up. (Yes...the right leg is the one that I've been PTing, foam rolling, icing, and just generally babying for months now.) I was ALL KINDS of pissed. Seriously leg? Now? Just when things are getting better? You're going to ruin an awesome swim that I felt really good about after doing something as seemingly innocent as pushing off the wall? You couldn't just hold on another 400 yards?

Guess not. So...I grabbed the wall....tried to stretch...and then (slowly) made my way to the ladder and hobbled out of the pool. By the time I got to the locker room...I was all stretched out, and it was fine. But I decided not to make it any angrier. I spent the rest of my Friday night like this, trying to work out the kinks:

Not ideal. The good news? There won't be a wall to push off from in the Chesapeake Bay during the tri's open water swim. The bad news? There also won't be a wall to hold on to in the Chesapeake Bay during the tri's open water swim.

So there's that.

But...life has funny ways of teaching you lessons. I went to spin class on Saturday morning and then ran a mile on the treadmill. It was my attempt at a (very slow) brick. When training for a tri...you've got to pair disciplines in some workouts so that your body doesn't hate you on race day when you try to string the swim, bike, run together. It went fine. That wasn't the lesson.

I was on a spin bike with a direct view of a recumbent stationary bike just outside the door. Around the same time class started, I saw a petite woman approach the bike and get ready for her workout. Her movements were jerky...like she couldn't quite get her limbs to do what they needed to do. It took me a while to realize what I was seeing...she was clearly suffering from some sort of disorder that impacts neurological function and movement. She was very thin, and her muscles looked like they'd atrophied considerably. My entirely uneducated guess would be Parkinson's Disease, but...it could have been a hundred other things. (Lawyer, not a doctor, folks.)

My thoughts turned from surprise...to admiration...to gratitude. She fought her way through a workout on that damn bike for nearly 45 minutes. Just sitting down was clearly a struggle. Once that was accomplished, she'd get her feet on the pedals...and one would fall off. Every once in a while, she'd need to adjust her position on the seat because she'd end up hunched over when her trunk slid forward. In between adjustments, she pedaled that bike as best she could...but it was obviously a struggle to coordinate the movements effectively. 45 MINUTES, PEOPLE. And this isn't the first time I've seen her at the gym...it's just the first time that I paid attention. She clearly does this several days a week.

By the end of my 45 minute spin class...I was humbled. Despite my annoyance in the pool the night before...my foot was having a good day. And I was grateful to realize...that there will be more good days. I'm getting stronger. Yes, it's been a process...but in the grand scheme of things...this will be barely a blip. For all I know..for this woman...Saturday was a good day. And it was such a struggle.

I won't forget this: Movement is a privilege denied to many. Any day that I can be in the pool, ride my bike, or simply walk down the street without pain...is a good day.

Tomorrow is (hopefully) my last appointment with the orthopedic surgeon. I will (hopefully) wrap up PT this month. :-) And we carry on...

Have a great week, all!
Erin